A new start

I don't have a whole lot to say, but that doesn't usually stop me from talking :-P

Two full weeks of lectures done. I played thermodynamics jeopardy on Wednesday, and that went really well for the most part. Today, though, I felt like I was more confusing than instructive. Who knows - that could just be my usual anxiety or it could be the truth. And of course it's probably somewhere in between. I confused my students on Monday by completely skipping over non-equilibrium conditions for isothermal expansion. So, I brought them breakfast today to make up for it.

I have no idea what to do with my life. I really don't think I can go back to being a student after being a professor for a year, even if it was med school. Gustavus has a tenure track opening in my field, which I'm going to apply for, but they want someone with post-doctoral experience. I'd love to stay here, though. Probably what I'll end up doing is applying for post-docs. And then maybe faculty positions at a med school, so that I can still be active in that field without going to med school.

I have to say, though, that I might not actually move back to California. I really have missed some things about the midwest. Now that I'm back here, it's hard for me to imagine a winter so bad that it would make me want to leave and not experience fall again. I love the smell of the crisp air during autumn. The colors are just beginning to change.

Wow, I'm tired. I've been staying up way too late this week, either on the phone or working on stuff for class. I did get my proposal for my January Term course done. I'm going to be teaching a Women's Studies course :) I've named the course "Fairy Tales and Modern Interpretations", and we're probably going to get to go to Chicago to see Wicked! It'll be really nice to read something other than chemistry in the evenings. Hopefully people will sign up for it. If fewer than 5 people sign up, then the course will be cancelled.

Okay, I need to go do something before I fall asleep.

TGIF

Well I just gave my first lecture. It went okay. I was definitely nervous, and I kind of messed up one of my demonstrations. The students seem really bright. Which is cool. It's just really weird for me, because last time I really covered this material was when I took this class. Now it seems really easy to me, so I can't tell whether I'm explaining it well or not.

I really want to do a good job with this. I don't want to let my students down.

I'm having a hard time getting settled into my apartment and I really, really want to be able to watch TV! Monday the cable guy comes.

I need to go write my lecture for monday, the solution set for PS 1, check on the computers for Monday's lab and start writing PS 2.

A quote from the Tao Te Ching seems to reflect my perspective on our Government's handling of the disaster along the Gulf:

DailyTao.org
Saturday, 3 September, 2005 :: 17

When the Master governs, the people
are hardly aware that he exists.
Next best is a leader who is loved.
Next, one who is feared.
The worst is one who is despised.

If you don't trust the people,
you make them untrustworthy.

The Master doesn't talk, he acts.
When his work is done,
the people say, Amazing: we did it, all by ourselves!

Translation by Stephen Mitchel.
DailyTao.org Widget by Glen Sanford

Part II:

Nothing really reminds me of my dorky, unpopular state in my adolescence like sitting at home on a Friday night (in Michigan) taking care of my nephew so my sister can go out with friends and my dad can go out on a date (well, he hasn't left yet, but he's been talking about going out tonight).

I know I have tons of friends. It just so happens that none of them are in Michigan and very few are in Minnesota.

This trip home, for me, was supposed to be about remembering my mom. On the 26th, my dad and sister hosted a bbq for both sides of the family. This weekend, we have one bbq for each side of the family. And it just doesn't feel like it's really about remembering my mom. Of course I don't need a formal event to remember my mom. I've spent so much time with my nephew though, and no time alone in the house, so I don't feel like I've had the chance to really reflect on my grief, my mom and my family.

It used to be that I'd go hide in which ever bedroom I was staying in when I'd come home to visit. I'd be tense and wouldn't really want to spend too much time with my family. I really regret that adolescent reaction that lasted a little too long for me. My mom and I used to have a great time just sitting by ourselves watching tv at night. Once she got sick though, she'd go to bed much earlier so we didn't really get that time together. So many missed opportunities.

Before, I could feel my dad's sadness that I wasn't spending time with them. At some point in the last two years I started to make sure I really spent time with the family. This visit, I've hardly spent any time with my dad.

I got into town Thursday night around 8 PM Eastern time. My dad and Bobby picked me up and we spent Thursday evening together...got ice cream from ColdStone Creamery (I'm really going to miss that - there's no ColdStone near me at all in MN). And then yesterday, my dad had to work and my sister had to work last night. My dad went out on a date (he didn't tell us it was a date until afterward, when he got home at 1:30 :-P ). But he left for the date relatively early in the day, and I had to run errands for my sister so we hardly overlapped at all at home.

Today he got up early to go bike riding with his friend Kimberly (not the woman he went out with...she's just a friend. I have yet to meet her, though). Then he came home and was really tired, so I was babysitting Bobby. When we came inside, my dad wanted to sleep so he went upstairs. Then I was pooped and took a nap while my dad was getting ready for the BBQ. Family came over...generally a good time. Ever since the family left, he's been in the basement talking to his new friend(s) or on the computer. It used to be that he'd never hang out somewhere else in the house if I were downstairs. But tonight I'm sitting here alone on the couch.

I miss both of my parents.